Recently, my friend Jason Parker posted a video called “Uncovering the Love.” In this video I speak about something that I call “The Schemata” or Insights Into Psycho-Emotional and Spiritual Well-Being. These insights arose after a very challenging end to a relationship back in the Spring of 2009. During this time, I took part of an artists residency in Wyoming in an environment that had plenty of time and space to sit and look very deeply within. There were many thoughts,feelings and emotions that I felt and observed. From this experience I began to write down this schemata, that continues to evolve. Below is the first draft of what I wrote shortly after my time at UCROSS. Please In Joy.
LOVE: That which you are and requires no justification or apology.
Love resonates as space, consciousness,awareness. The space and source of all energy that allows all things to flourish. We are all born of this, as this we all are this. All is full of this, the unseen, the unconditional source of being. Paradoxical to the mind, resounding to the soul and spirit.
The Pure Emotions of the Human Experience: Sadness, Anger and Apathy: Obscuring Love and Creating Fear
Sadness: What you feel when the love you are is questioned.
Sadness, in the case I speak of, is a pure emotion. First felt when one’s true nature is questioned or constrained. One feels this sadness felt within because of the intrinsic knowing felt within that feels feels the falsehood of one’s worth being questioned. Yet, we also feel how the socialized worlds confirms this all around us.
*The experience of all obscuring energies creates fear. Which in this case is the opposite of love or that which you are requiring justification and apology.
Anger: What you feel in defense of your sadness.
Anger in it’s pure form in the high intensity response that guards the vulnerability of our sadness. With the experience of anger it is almost as the intensity of our loving is filtered through the sadness. The outrage in recognizing the falsehood of the lie of our own worthlessness. Our socialized world treats the emotion of anger with a ridicule refers to it as barbaric or primitive.
Apathy: The the emotional anesthetic to numb the intensity of your anger and sadness.
This is the state of false stoicism the face of the thoughts “Nothing’s wrong.” and “I’m okay.” This emotion is the layer upon which the inauthenticities of the problematic sense of self, unconscious personality construct or ego are built upon. This feeling of apathy is an anesthetic to numb one from the experience of feeling the pure and transgression based emotions.
The Egoic Search of the Unconscious Personality Construct or Problematic Self-
This is the problematic self that denies and masks the truth of all feelings. This egoic self takes on different personality structures in aim to connect outside of itself. No matter what the call to connect outside is unfulfilled.
Depression: disowned and projected sadness- When one disowns and judges the sadness felt, depression is what follows. Pure sadness opens the self while depression contracts it.
Contempt: disowned and projected anger. When the expression you are is oppressed, anger is what follows if that anger is not felt or owned becomes contempt. A highly intensified embodiment of a deeply contemptuous person is a Adolf Hitler, serial killers anyone who embodies their inner violence is a deeply contemptuous person.
Manic Happiness- Ignored disowned anger and sadness
Manic happiness is a hyper-intense attempt to connect to the pureness and joy of the true nature of the self yet it ignores the depth of feelings it has to face and feel to truly connect to that essence. A manic person ignores the darkness and in doing so is disconnected and others feel the falsehood of it.
Love Outside of Self- The projection and removal of what you already are.
The egoic search longs for this. And is completely unaware of the love that exists within so it fractures itself looking for everything it’s value, worth outside of itself.
What does the Love that you are feel like?
There is a feeling of joy,energy, oneness, the lie that is separation and worthlessness becomes obvious and laughable. There is an intensity and a calmness to being alive. All the emotions, layers of yourself and others are engaged with this love. It is a knowing love a compassionate love, full of humor. It is a Love that feels deeply yet doesn’t wallow. It is a Love that celebrates life yet it is not in ignorance to those who are suffering.
view white people as the source of evil. I remember in 4th grade drawing a comic book about a fight between the Black Panthers and The Klan. I was a 9 year old black militant revolutionary. I would say “I hate white people!” And it wasn’t that I hated white folk, it was that I didn’t understand why the Klan even existed. And in all the history I studied all the, most of f-uped stuff was caused by…Well, white people. Being upset with white folks made a lot sense in the 4th grade.
